My Blog

mission to accomplish

everyone deserves to be happy... but it comes with a price

from red jumpsuit apparatus' cat and mouse...

and i, phrey, need to be happy AGAIN... i dont want to turn out being so emotional in whats happening around me... so what if i my family isnt around... they are just one text or call away from me... anyways, my parents always keepin touch with me... one thing that alarms me is whats happening to me at this very moment... i feel very useless in all the people i deal with these past few days... it seems that im nothing... i dont have any value... do i deserve this treatment? i felt that when i was with my classmate eating some streetfoods... they look very intact... and that very moment, i felt very alone... i was never treated like that by that classmate of mine... too emotional?? maybe.. maybe because i am looking for care and attention.... and what had hurt me most and put me at my worst is that the ones im expecting to offer that care and attention dont care... they care but not as much as what i expect from them...

~ego-centered~ selfish?? who's wrong?? is it me?? tsk tsk tsk... maybe

tomorrow, friday, march 14, 2008, i will have a mission to accomplish, a plan to get over this situation... if something's wrong... try to get away these stuffs..how? i would put my attention to what i like to do most... playing ^_^

hahahahahaha... but you may encounter the things youre getting away from... 2nd way?? hahahah.. just study... right... ill go to the library and just review my notes since we'll have our final exams on saturday... i must burn the midnight oil... and i think this is the best way...after tomorrow... comes saturday... without being disturbed... hmmm... @_@ dizzy!!! come what may...

ill be ok then...

confused again..

time passess by... a day... an hour... a minute... a second...i really dont understand myself... am i lonely or am i not? xit!!!

i feel so alone... hmmm... i cant explain my emotions at this very moment... everything seems to be so complicated...

i cant play well too... playing dota makes me forget the things i worry about... but there's something different these past few days... something that i cant deal with...

maybe you, too, is getting so confused... emotions dominate the whole of us... the way we think... the way we move... the way we mingle with others... huh... i really dont understand myself... many times ive tried...

phew... hmmm...is this the way everbody  feel when experiencing this what they call ************************? or am i just exaggerating my feelings tending to overact everything in me... hmmm...

im really confused again... i want to be in other's arms... someone who could warm me... someone who could listen to me... someone who could make me feel better... someone whom i could talk to... someone who could take this confusion inside of me...

maybe this is the reason why im liking music nowadays... music speaks for me... hehehehe... ill just sing... though they dont understand... at least it makes me feel relieved... relieved in a way that in the songs i sing are words that i want to express to her...

hoping that i would be back to whom i was... although this feeling is very confusing and mind-breaking... heheheh... it is somehow really nice and wonderful...

everything is now a mystery... but these mysteries will be what ill be missing....

Dampi ng Musmos na Ngiti

Dampi ng Musmos na Ngiti

ni: Philip Rey C. Bautista

            Sa isang lugar ng mga karaniwang tao kasama na ng mga di pinalad nakatira si Tikboy, isang batang puno ng ngiti at kasiyahan. Isang batang musmos na nais maglaro kasama ng mga kaibigan ngunit ito’y kailanma’y ipagbabawal sa kanya. Si Tikboy ay maliit, halintulad sa isang upuan, isang limang taong gulang na paslit ngunit ang pagkatao’y higit pa sa kanyang edad.

            Si Aling Melba ang kanyang butihing ina na sa simula’t sa huli’y nangakong di siya iiwan. Ang kanyang ina ang kanyang kasa-kasama sa bahay sapagkat ang kanyang ama ang bumubuhay sa kanila. Isang konduktor ang kanyang ama na si Mang Lando. Sakto lang ang kanyang sinasahod para sa ikabubuhay nila. Ngunit sa lahat lahat, ang sweldo ng kanyang ama’y hindi sapat. Ipinanganak si Tikboy na isang malusog na bata. Subalit sa kanyang paglaki’y kinakitaan ng isang misteryosong sakit na nangangailangan ng madalasang panggagamot. Ngunit sa kabila nito’y di siya kinakitaan ng anumang pagkabahala, parang isang batang nagdadala ng isang problema ngunit itinuturing lang itong parte ng buhay.

            

            Ang kanyang ina ang pangunahing nagpapakulay sa kanyang mga araw. Sa bawat pagbati ni Pebo, isang matamis na ngiti ang kanyang isinasalubong kay Tikboy. At sa bawat pagsabog ng kadiliman sa gabi, isang oyaying hatid ng mayuming boses ni Aling Melba ang nagsasara sa mga munting mata nito. Araw ng Biyernes noon at inaatake na naman ng sakit si tikboy. Maluha-luhang itinakbo ni Aling Melba si Tikboy patungo sa ospital. “Ang sakit ng anak niyo’y nakamamatay”, ang mahinahong sabi ng doktor kay Aling Melba. Napaiyak si Aling Melba sa kanyang narinig. Lalo siyang humagulgol nang makita niya ang nakakaawang kalagayan ng bata.

            Nang bumuti ang kalagayan ni Tikboy ay agad siyang iniuwi ni Aling Melba. Hindi biro ang babayarin sa ospital lalo na sa estado ng kanilang buhay. Ang tanging magagawa ni Aling Melba tuwing kaharap ang anak ay ang ngumiti. Masakit kay Aling Melba ang kinakaharap ni Tikboy. Ngunit nananatili siyang matatag para sa kanyang anak. Sa  kanya kumukuha ng lakas si Tikboy. Ang paglaban sa kamatayan ay hindi biro lalo na sa kalagayan ng paslit.

            Gabi-gabing pinag-uusapan nina Aling Melba at Mang Lando kung ano ang gagawin. Lumalaki na ang kanilang pagkakautang sa mga nilapitan nila. At ang mga ito’y paisa-isa nang lumalapit sa kanila upang maningil dahil maging sila’y nangangailangan na rin. Ang tanging isinasalubong ni Aling Melba ay ang paghingi ng tawad at sa kasalukuya’y di pa nila kayang magbayad. “Mare, maging kami ay nangangailangan na rin ng pera!” ang sambit ni Aling Pacita na pumunta sa kanila isang gabi. Narinig ni Tikboy ang mga nangungusap na boses at lumabas ng kwarto upang silipin kung sino ang mga iyon. Nakita niya ang pinagkakautangan nilang si Aling Pacita at alam niyang paniningil ang pakay nito. “Bayaan niyo po Aling Pacita at kapag gumaling na po ako ay unti-unti po namin kayong babayaran, “ ang nakangiting sabi ni Tikboy. Naawa si Aling Pacita sa pangangatawan ni Tikboy ngunit nanaig ang paghanga dito sapagkat sa kabila ng lahat ay kaya pa nitong mag-alay ng ngiti. Isang ngiting gumuguhit ng iba pang mga ngiti sa mukha ng mga taong kanyang kinakasalamuha. Umalis si Aling Pacita at nagpaalam kay Tikboy ng nakangiti sa gabing iyon.

            Sinamahan ni Aling Melba si Tikboy sa kanyang pagtulog. Itinanong ni Tikboy sa kanyang ina kung malapit na ba siyang gumaling. “Konting tiis na lang anak, malapit na. Tiis-tiis muna tayo ha…”, ang sabi ni Aling Melba, “...kayang kaya mo yan di ba? Malakas yata ang Tikboy ko.” Sabay yakap nang mahigpit kay Tikboy at tumingin sa malayo na para bang may tinatanaw. Hinawakan niya ito sa ulo at napaluha. “Bakit ka umiiyak nay?” ang tanong ni Tikboy. “Wala anak, natutuwa lang ako at ibinigay ka sa akin ng Panginoon,” ang sagot ng lumuluha pa ring si Aling Melba.

            Isang panibagong araw na naman ang dumating sa buhay ni Tikboy. Isa na namang kalbaryo ang kanyang kakaharapin sa kamay ng kanyang mapagsamantalang sakit. Sinasamahan ni Aling Melba si Tikboy na mamasyal sa kanilang barangay sa bawat pagpatak ng alas-nuwebe ng umaga upang hindi siya mabagot at upang makipagkita sa kanyang mga kaibigang mga bata at maging mga matatanda. Mahal ng lahat si Tikboy, dahil sa pakikisama nito, dahil sa pagkatao nito, dahil sa mga ngiti nito. Ang ngiti ni Tikboy ang tila bumubuo sa mga araw ng mga ito, wari isang simbolo ng pag-asa. Pag-asa na siyang sumisira sa mga naglalakihang dingding ng problema. Lahat ng mga ito’y nanggagaling sa isang bata.

            Umuwi na sina Tikboy at ng kanyang ina. Tila buo na rin ang araw na iyon ni Tikboy dahil sa pagbati ng kanyang mga kapitbahay. Naiwan si Tikboy sa sala na nilalaro ang laruang regalo ng kanyang ama sa kanyang ikalimang kaarawan. Habang si Aling Melba ay nasa kusina at ipinagluluto ng paboritong Pinakbet si Tikboy. “Amoy masarap iyan nay ha, talagang maabilidad kayo sa kusina!” ang pasigaw na sabi ni Tikboy. “Siyempre para sa pinakamamahal kong anak ito e,” ang sagot naman ng kanyang ina. “Mahal kita nay,” ang sabi ni Tikboy sa nanginginig na boses. “Mahal din kita anak, kasinglalim ng pinakamalalim na dagat sa buong mundo,” ang sagot ng kanyang ina na nagluluto pa rin sa kanilang kusina. “Maghugas ka na ng kamay anak at kakain na tayo,” ang tawag ni Aling Melba. Ngunit walang sagot ang narinig mula kay Tikboy. “Tikboy…anak,” ang nagtatakang tawag ni Aling Melba. Ngunit wala pa ring sumasagot. Nanginig ang buo nitong katawan at dagli-dagling pumunta sa sala. Naabutan niya si Tikboy na nakahiga sa sahig, hindi na gumagalaw. Napasigaw si Aling Melba, “Tikboy!!!”. Hinawakan niya ito nang mahigpit at pilit na ginigising ngunit huli na ang lahat. Wala nang tibok ang naririnig sa kanyang dibdib. Wala na, wala na. Ang tanging handog niya sa kanyang ina bago siya lumisan ay ang ngiti na tatatak sa isipan at puso ni Aling Melba. Ang ngiting nagpatatag sa kanya, ang ngiti ng pagpapaalam. Si Tikboy ay wala na, tuluyan na siyang nagpaalam.

            Kasabay ng pag-iyak nina Aling Melba at Mang Lando ang biglaang pag-iyak ng kalangitan. Ang lahat ay nabigla. Ang lahat ay nalungkot. Ang lahat ay tuluyan nang nagpaalam kay Tikboy. Ngunit ang  mga alaala at ngiting handog ng musmos na bata’y mananatili na sa kanilang mga puso’t isipan magpakailanman.

"nature's call"

Environment is like our parents. It serves as our source of everything, food, clothing, shelter, name it and it will be given to you. Its method of giving is like spoon-feeding. You just need to make it, mold it, enhance it the way you want it to be.

But, since humans were created and put in this world, we became so dependent to our nature tending to be so abusive. We must keep in our minds that there are limitations on everything. And nature being abused, could make a revenge, an unstoppable vengeance. It has many ways of giving out or showing its madness to the monstrous people. There's the El Nino phenomenon which thirst every living thing in the world. This causes some source of water to run dry like the rivers and brooks. Another is the killing lahar flow which is undeniably a thief of many lives just like what happened in the people of Pinatubo, Albay.

Indeed, the nature could be man's worst enemy. But we could stop this wicked attacks by having certain preparations and by freezing those abusive people. We must have disaster preparedness in order to dodge those coming disasters or just block them away. Some ways to enact this is by having a watershed in order to stop flooding in the communities through accumulation of water. Another one big step is the permanent ban on logging. This is the main source of massive flooding for there are no trees to absorb the waters brought by the furious rain. We must have a strict enforcement of the law regarding this and give a heavier punishment.

God created the nature to give us what we need and we, as our nature's caretakers. And if one side doesn't do his job, the other would do the same, even worse. So think no more on why our nature do these to us for we are accountable on its actions.

living cancer....

I think I, as a citizen of this country, should voice out my opinions regarding the true state of our nation...

It is written in the Philippine Constitution Article II Section 27 that the State shall maintain honesty and integrity in the public service and take positive and effective measures against graft and corruption.

I am firmly in favor with this priciple - that the government should take every possible means to cure this living cancer in our society, the graft and corruption.

It is the job of the government to secure the people and provide the common good for everybody. But if our public servants continue this misuse of their political power for their illegitimate private gain, what will be left to the people?

If we come to think of it, almost all of the elected presidents pledged their own programs in eradicating this unstoppable menace in our society. But the question is, were they successful? Obviously not, it may even turned to worse. In my own opinion, the reason is that some/all of the public servants including those who are in higher positions are promoters of this political and social corruption. Nobody could truthfully say that he doesnt have any connection with this matter.

The worse product of this is that we, the common people, are the ones suffering for these unscrupulous servants' "should-not-be-done" doings. I used the term "we" because all of us are affected and continuously be affected if this will not be stopped. We pay our taxes but not all of the benefits do not come in return.

We might be in a democratic form of government and have the right to do what we want. But if our doings will bring the worst effects to others....hmmm...okay...let us just leave it to the Supreme Being. We have nothing to do with it.

a survey from abi pech...

1.Do you still talk with the first
person you loved?
* i dont see her... i dont even know where she is...^_^

2.Have you ever seen your best friend
naked?
* nope.... its just ok

3.Are you obsessed with someone?
* hmmm...obsessed?? hmm.... LoL ^^

4.What is the best thing about your
job?
* nothing.... maybe if i would finish my job...i could have a better job ^_^

5.When was your last tear drop fall?
* it was long long time ago.... ^_^

6.What was the last thing you kuya?
* dunno understand... ^_^... but i called my clasm8 "kuya" is that what this means?? ^_^

7.Do you think do you have lots of
friends?
* nope... wahahahhahaha ^_^

8.Where are you going on your next
vacation?
* province of pangasinan... ^_^..at home... wahahahahha

9.When was the last time you kissed
* † (-_-) †

10.Are most of your friends guys or
girls?
* guys ata...

11.Do you love your friends?
* nope.... its them who love me ^_^ the feeling is mutual.... ganun n rin^_^

12.Your currently listening to?
* "fire in the hole" bang! bang! bang! Counter Strike...ingay nung mga naglalaro wahahahah

13.If you could have one superpower
what would it be?
* the power to go in the past....
kung sakali.... i could be an instant millionaire by looking at the winning combination of lotto the next day ^_^

14.What was the last thing you bought?
* siomai... wahahahaha....

15.Where did you bought it?
* maria cristina bldg?? sa harap lng ng skul

16.When was the last time you took a
long drive?
* long drive? driver? i dont drive! wahahah

17.Are you happy with your life now?
* yes??? hahahahha

18.What is your least favorite sound?
* "The Sound of Silence" LoL wahahahah

19.Are you moody?
* sometimes..but having a sense of humor dominates my whole personality ^_^

20.What's your favorite movie of all
time?
* the day after tomorrow...ung nasa fireplace n ung lalaki at babae wahahahahahah

21.When was the last time you went to a
mall? where?
* yesterday? sa araneta square ata at grand central mall... tabi lng e

23.Have you ever toilet papered
someone's house?
* what does this mean?

24.Have you ever liked someone but
never told them?
* alwayz ^_^

25.Have you ever had a crush on your
brother/sist er's friend?
* nope....

26.Have you ever gone to a beach?
* of course.... inosente b aq?? ^_^

27.Who is in your mind right now?
* c abi pechay ^_^... hahahahahah

28. Have you ever had a stalker?
* wahahahaha.... dame ^_^

29.What are the questions that you had
in mind?
* is the ATM in the metrobank operating?? nid money!!! wahahhaha

30.How many hours a day do you watch
TV?
* no one hour... ^_^..

31.Have you ever gone to a party?
* yes... wedding party, birthday party... wahahahha

32.Have you ever been in love?
* love kaya yun??? wahhahahah

33.Have you ever thrown up from
working out?
* pow?? hehehhehe

34.Have you ever gotten a haircut so
bad that you wore a hat?
* hmmm..... bald??? wahahahha

35.Have you ever eaten 3 meals from 3
different fast food restaurants in one
day?
* yes... in jo******, max's, at dun sa karinderya ^_^

36.What was the last song you listened
to?
* smile?

37.What are you feeling right now?
* confused?? happy? lonely? confused.,.

38.What one item do you never leave
home without?
* ID!!!! hahahah...cant enter the campus without it...the guard will say..."NO ID NO ENTRY" wahahhaha

39.Who was the last person who called
you?
* ervin aglugub... my classmate

40.Who was the last person who texted
you?
* my mom

41.When was the last time you slept
for 12 hours straight?
* i dont count my sleeping hours.,..

42.What did you do yesterday?
* went to school, played dota, reviewed..

43.What are your plans for tonight?
* make a reaction paper... for section 24 of article II in the phil constitution... ^_^

44.What are your plans for the
weekend?
* play with my cousins... miss them....

a survey...nonsense ^_^

1. Madalas ka bang umuuwi ng gabi?
= yes...the reason should remain as a secret...^_^

2. Matagal ka bang mag stay sa CR ng
school??
= nope... main purpose..konting tingin sa mirror...ayos ayos lng..ok na

3. You spend most of your time...
= studying.... hmmm.... sleeping ata....

4. How many friends do you have in
real life?
= none...Lol..^_^

5. Who are your best friends in
Elementary?
= the two girls.... ^_^...isang crying lass at isang matured girl

6. Your most hated person EVER
= actually ther are many.... sukdulan ang galit... pinagkakaisahan nila ako kaya d ko gusto ang subject na science.... ooooppsss.... ^_^

7. Do you love chicken?
= YYYYYYYYEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSS!!!! obvious ba? ^_^

8. Do you care so much for your
friends?
= yes.... pero sabi nung kaklase ko..."ganyan k pla philip, nang-iiwan" The question is, is he my friend??.... ^_^

9. Have a crush on someone today?
= waaaaaaaaaa........ secrets should never be revealed... LoL

10. Do you like movies?
= yess...

11. What's your favorite movie?
= answer in slumbook questions: MANY TO MENTION!!! hahahhaha

1 2 . Who's your greatest inspiration
in life?
= my family... angal?

13. Do you like dance music?
= hmmm.... lalalalalallalala..... lalo n pag kasayaw mu xa... ^_^

14. Do you like GMs?
= GM?? Group Mesij? Game Master? Good Morning?

15 . Are you an EMO?
= a big NO!!!!!! i dont like them nor hate them... juz nothing... ^_^

16. Sinong tao nung highschool ang
namimiss mo na at gusto mong makita?
= heheheheh..... dami.... again... secret......

17. Site na madalas mong puntahan
= friendster....yahoo...hahahahha...projects?....youtube & crunchyroll for animes....... ^_^

18 . Music that is playing in your mind
= be my lady... be my lady...come to me and take my hand and be my lady... hahahahah

something to think about...

pressure...pressure...pressure

the only word which could describe what examinations bring to a student like me... its always pressure that takes place in ourselves..

had a review? that doesnt work... pressure could never be gone in examinations...whether you review or not...its always there...

im saying this..because thats what i feel right now... pressure on everything.... how i wish the term pressure was never been made!!!